I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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