I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need water and some morals
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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