It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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