so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
