remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
