i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
