Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
