Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
