my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
