I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize