the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize