i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
