hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
