who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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