Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
