She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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