Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He passed out mid-signature
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
