i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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