Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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