He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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