My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
