Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
