I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize