Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Randomize
