Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Someone signed my nipple.
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