I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
