new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
