this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
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