proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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