No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
