why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
