So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Sponge bath it is.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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