Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
