We're facebook friends in real life
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
