All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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