I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
