The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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