His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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