Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's never too late to be topless.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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