his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
