I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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