we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
