4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I sprained my soul last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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