Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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