Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
