I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
