Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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