Only a mothe r could love this liver
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
