What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
