I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
