You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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