Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
