i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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