theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The struggles of a small town man whore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
