I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I intend to get homeless drunk
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
