I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I die, sorry about rent.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
