Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
