i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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