Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
