he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
