I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
