guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
