Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
