Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
