I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
