We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
