Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
