ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
whose ass print is on the piano?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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