help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
