My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
