dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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