You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
